Okay, despite blogging for 2 + years I still struggle to get my thoughts and feelings across through my writing. There has been many a topic I wanted to address on this here blog, but have never even started a draft because of this writing-phobia. That being said I'll only get over this obstacle by writing more, so bear with me through the rough patches, we'll get there, ha.
I've been wanting to talk about creative processes for a very, very long time. I think everyone has their own process when it comes to creativity. I am a routine person. For me, creativity NEVER strikes, it's more like banging my head against a pinata and sometimes if I hit it hard enough for long enough, candy comes out.
At the beginning of every collection, I sketch and sketch and sketch like crazy. After the sketch I draft a pattern, stitch up a muslin and then (more often than not) decide I hate it. The design gets scrapped, and I move on to the next sketch. I'd say probably 1 in 20 designs (that have made it from sketch) actually make into a collection. But the editing doesn't stop there. I am notorious for editing out pieces mere days before a shoot. I even binned a whole season's collection (after it had been photographed) once. Why? I have no idea. When I finalized the pieces for the collection I loved them, then over time I decided I hated them all. Sometimes, I think it's because I work so hard and so long on each piece that maybe it's hard not to get completely sick of them? Maybe my personal style is still evolving and over time I fall out of love with the pieces? When all is said and done, if I don't love something completely, I won't put my name behind it. It sounds crazy, but I want everything to be perfect in every collection. Each collection tells a story and stories need to flow. All the colors have to coordinate, the styles need to be complimentary and unique, because who wants to read a story they've read a million times? The pressure is immense to create something unique to my label, but at the same time it can't be too crazy or over the top, or I risk alienating my customers. On the one hand I think it's important to edit...careful editing is what makes a good collection, but, on the other hand editing can be a huge waste of material, time and money. It makes me feel even worse when family and friends tell me they liked the pieces I binned. Am I crazy to be nixing perfectly good pieces that other people/customers might like?
I think the pressure to create and be successful started building even more after switching to full time. It's scary knowing that my sole source of income depends on how well I can create. What if I suddenly don't have any good ideas. Or what if I take a new direction with my line and no one likes it? There are so many fears whirling around my head before each collection. When I finally start the creative process, all those negative thoughts are weighing on me. I don't think suffering (er....not sleeping or eating) should be linked to creativity. Creativity should be a joyful, freeing, awesome thing. Not a doom and gloom, I'm-going-to-make-something-because-I-have-to thing.
This season I really did my best to relax and go with the creative flow. I still had my routine, but I didn't let all my self doubt and fear take over my process. I addressed all the crap that had always weighed me down and said what's the worst that could happen? So maybe everyone hates this new collection but me. Maybe I don't sell anything and have to get another PT job. Big deal. I'm not going to die, and it's not the end of the world. I felt so much better after letting all that stuff go. Now, I definitely wasn't all zen all the time. I still edited out a bunch of pieces last minute and had a second last minute shoot to squeeze in a few more pieces. Plenty of glitches happened that had me pulling my hair out, but I wasn't nearly as stressed as I have been past seasons. The worst part was not finding a photoshoot location (till the very last minute). The best part....I still love. Every. Single. Garment.
The blog world has been taking a lot of hits lately for promoting perfectionism. There are so many pretty images and people making pretty things and as much as a love seeing all that pretty stuff, I wish we got to see more of the blood sweat and tears that went into making it. Because no matter how much you love what you do, it's still takes effort. I LOVE what I do and wouldn't switch jobs for the world. I don't want my take on creativity to come off as negative or debbie downer-ish, I just wanted to talk about how creating is sometimes a real struggle.
I would love to hear everyone's take on creativity! Let's talk about it!
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This was so wonderful to read. Thank you so much for sharing with us, your readers.
ReplyDeleteI'm not going to lie, I'm quite envious of the fact that you love what you do. I am following every other boring person's footsteps and doing/working practical things instead of creative things that I love. I feel like I have more dreams and wants than any other person.
I am always afraid I'm not creative enough to go into an "artsy" field. I know I have talent, I am pretty good at taking on a new medium and working with it like I've worked with it for years. I can photocopy a picture as long as I am allowed to trace it. But those aren't creativity, and I am afraid I don't posses it at all.
Sometimes I just want to say "screw it" and just try and do my own thing, but more often I retreat and go on with my boring daily routine and dreams.
Anyway, that's all I have to say about creativity.
You're wonderful, please keep doing what you are doing. And I must say your blog and your creations are some of my favorites.
This post couldn't have come at a more pertinent time for me. I design and sew clothing as well, and I've been selling to local boutiques for the past several years. I'm still in school, so it's been a part time side thing for me. I'm graduating college this year, however, and grad school has always been my plan. I'm at a point now where I have to decide to either pursue fashion or art history as I'd originally planned. As a part of making that decision, over the summer and this fall I wanted to create two full, cohesive collections (Spring/summer and Autumn/Winter) and start selling online.
ReplyDeleteMy designing and selling locally has always been a bit haphazard - taking in a batch of new stuff when it's finished, only making one dress from a pattern and then moving onto something new - it was never a solid collection, again because it was just a hobby. The point of trying to create these collections was to see if I could pull together my ideas in a cohesive way, if I enjoyed doing it, and if the end result was well received. If it went well, I hoped to have my answer as to whether I wanted to enter a design/fashion studies program at the graduate level, or keep sewing just a creative outlet and pursue art history instead.
Well, I have never fallen in love with and struggled with something at the same time like I have with really defining my label. Creating a collection was one of the most exhilarating things I've ever done. Pulling together my inspiration, defining the meaning of the collection, giving it a story, finding my voice, choosing the fabrics, designing packaging, drafting the patterns, creating the garments, building a website - I loved it.
But it was also the one of the most difficult tasks I've ever undertaken. I've never been more stressed, nitpicky, confused, and disappointed. I had such a specific vision in my head, and when my execution didn't meet those standards, I was unhappy with myself. When things didn't go together quite like I imagined, when the feeling of the garments was just wrong - It was so frustrating to be unsatisfied with what I was creating. I planned on blogging my progress and journey as I made the collection - that didn't happen. I intended to have my website designed and launched over a month ago - it's still not finished. I overloaded myself with so much responsibility that it became impossible to manage. I felt guilty about relaxing, like I should always be working on something since I was so "behind" on these deadlines I had imposed on myself. I'm lucky to still be a student not relying on my clothing line as a source of income, or I'd be out of luck.
Ultimately, the pieces I created for my first "collection" were just not up to my standards. Like you said, I don't feel comfortable selling something or putting my name on something I'm not 100% behind. I decided to chalk the first collection up to a learning experience, start again with Autumn/Winter, and this time I'm doing things differently. A lot of the groundwork is now done from my first attempt, so now I can put all of my energy into the designs. Your post just made me feel that much more confident in my decision to take things as they come, and try to eliminate some of the stress I place on myself. I'm going to try to go easier on myself and let things ride (a little, at least). I relate wholeheartedly to your sentiments that creating is a strange beast - it should be freeing and joyful, but sometimes it is forced and difficult.
Anyway, I'm sorry for dumping all that out on you, I had no idea I was about to write so much. I guess you just struck a chord! Thanks for posting, you have always been a role model and inspiration.
Wow I got completely off track there - my intended point was to agree with your last paragraph - that blogging promotes this idea of perfectionism. As someone just starting out, it gets easy to think everyone you look up to somehow got everything right the first time and knew what they were doing all along. It's so intimidating to see success after success, especially when you're making mistake after mistake. So, I applaud you for sharing your experiences with creativity, the good and the bad. It gives me hope! Ok, whew, I'm really done - I'm sorry for these belabored responses!
ReplyDeleteSuch a great post! I have many thoughts on this but I can't write them cohesively. Let it suffice to say - editing is good. Only having pieces you love is good. Taking away is just as important as adding. Can't wait to see your new stuff!
ReplyDeletethis is such a great post - thank you for sharing! i wholeheartedly welcome your posts on the trials and tribulations of creating. so often is the case that i run into countless bouts of "makers-block" and i wonder, in the world of beautiful blogs, if anyone else is going through the same thing. the pitfalls are just as relevant as any other part of one's process. i say, post away.
ReplyDeleteThat's very interesting. I'm by no means as perfectionist as you, but I can certainly identify with feelings of creative self-doubt (not regarding the blog, I'm not that pretentious) ; )
ReplyDeleteIt is very hard to put something out there with your name on it, because ultimately, however perfect a collection might be, no collection is going to perfectly represent you. I don't know that it's possible for anyone to create something as perfectly in real life as it no doubt appears in their head.
Sorry for the long winded response. Oh, and I definitely don't look down on a collection if I don't love everything. I consider myself loving a collection if I love 3 or 4 items, and the styling of course...
Hannah - I understand exactly what you are saying. The creative process is also long and laborious for me, and I would throw out probably 9/10 designs that I come up with and make. It sucks to be a perfectionist sometimes!
ReplyDeleteI agree - creativity should be joyful but I think that, for many people, when it turns into your livelihood some of the joy is taken out of it. It's hard - you want to be able to do what you are passionate about for a living but with doing this sort of thing comes pressure, fear and expectation. And boring admin stuff!
It's great to be so passionate about and committed to what you do. But do you find it totally exhausting? Is it working for you? Are you paying your bills? And importantly, are you feeling satisfied? It sounds like you are starting to work things out along the way - maybe you will come to be more and more relaxed over time because you will understand your own creative process better.
On a totally different topic, seeing the post-its with your handwriting on them makes me smile because it reminds me of the lovely little note that accompanied my exquisite sweater. Now I know why it is so exquisite - the amount of torture that you have gone through to create it!!
Agreed. It's terrible for me to think of what the world would look like if we weren't taking risks, though. I think the "what have I got to lose" attitude is the right approach to creativity - leaving the door open to risky ideas. I often ask myself what the repercussions are of not digging into my creativity and those thoughts alone are usually enough to make me scurry to the drawing board. I can hardly bare the thought of working a job I dislike daydreaming of clothing I'd much rather be making.
ReplyDeleteYou clearly have a gift and audience in this industry, so when in doubt, be reminded people follow and support you for a beautiful aesthetic you've established, trust your judgement and are on board where ever creativity leads you.
I'm in the process of completing my final high-school exhibition. While the risks do not compare to yours financially or publicly, i can still very much relate to the struggle you described. You're words "I don't think suffering (er....not sleeping or eating) should be linked to creativity." really hit me, because i have been doing just that in order to get these final works together, and it has been weighing on my feelings towards art and creating. I want to create organically, not strain and stress over something that should be enjoyable.
ReplyDeleteDeadlines are important, but personally I am now more interested in seeing what I can do without any.
Hannah, I was an illustrator in a previous lifetime and your story sounds exactly like mine was. It burned me out! All the extreme over thinking and doubt completely killed the creative process for me. Everything I created, I was thinking about how OTHER people would receive it and would it get me more work? Was it commercial enough? And so on and so on....My work become flat and dull in my opinion, nothing like the stuff I had created without all those doubts and pressures back in the ol' art school days. Eventually I couldn't take it anymore and essentially quit.
ReplyDeleteI hate offering unsolicited advice but I just want to say that you are one insanely talented lady Hannah and I find it pretty darn hard to believe you could create anything terrible! Just follow your creative instincts and don't worry about what your customers will 'like' (I know...). Don't worry about the possibility of having to get a pt job, that's the future and doing anything freelance, nothing will stress your shit out like worrying about the future (I stress worrying, not to be mistaken for simply planning for it!)...Nowadays, I just try and take things one day at a time and try to enjoy myself creatively - stressing does nothing positive at all. It completely destroys the creative process, for me it did at least, and takes all the joy out of being able to do something you love for a living!
Phew, well, I hope this helps! Just take a breathe and relax because perfectionist you may be, know how friggin' talented you are no matter what! Just go with the flow lady. :)
I love your designs. It's so interesting to hear that you struggle in making them (and loving them), because when they appear to the rest of us, fully formed, all we can imagine is you sitting in a beautiful space, creating beautiful things with ease. Of course it never happens that way, but congratulations on preserving the illusion!
ReplyDeleteI'm a poet, so my creative process is a little different. With writing, for me, it's all about showing up and letting the magic take over. The harder I try to write a good poem, the worse it will be. The good stuff spins out by itself, and then it's down to, like you said, the editing. Editing, for me, is making all the rest of the crappy writing live up to the one or two lines that are magic.
So I suppose it's all the same--wanting a collection (or a poem) to have a certain unity, a certain wild, new perfection.
It makes me feel so good to hear you say this. I appreciate your sharing your thoughts on this. I am starting to design knitting patterns and I struggle with the same issues. I work another job full time, which makes it hard to find or make time for knitting design. and I struggle with the same issues--beautiful but interesting, different but not too wild. I'm very practical too, so if it's too hard for me to make or wear then I don't expect others will want to make or wear it either. It's not nearly as much work as making multiple garments by hand, but with knitwear design you still have to be proud of your design to pitch it to editors, and you have to be willing (in my case, anyway) to knit the entire garment and crunch all the numbers to draft one pattern, and in most cases you have to crunch more numbers to draft the pattern for different sizes. That commitment level is something that holds me back sometimes...
ReplyDeleteThis piece comes at a great time for me, because I've been designing my new website for my jewelry and it has been a struggle. I think that when a project is so personal, as it is with your collections, it's hard to know when it is right. It is a reflection of yourself, but who are you?
ReplyDeleteAlso, even when creativity strikes, you still have to get up and do something with it. I find that my problem lies not in the creativity itself, but the letting go of fears and thoughts and just do something with that creativity.
After spending too much time on aforementioned website, I don't have a lot of time left to work on my new collection. My challenge will be to still take it easy, go with the creative flow. Because as you said, creativity shouldn't be linked to suffering.
Thank you for putting your thoughts out there, they were perfectly clear and a good read.
xo Inge
As an aspiring designer myself I feel your 'pain'. It is a lot of hard work and I feel that people don't understand that smaller designers & businesses make all the garment themselves, they don;t have the resources or funds to have production other places done.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the amazing designs and great work. I love seeing it!
@ anonimouse Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. Everyone has the creative juice! From my experience finding that "juice" means discovering what you love to do, and then getting good enough at it to be creative with it! Both things take time. Even if being creative is just something you do on the side, as long as it's something you enjoy, that is reason enough to do it!
ReplyDeleteLiz- I'm so glad I struck a chord! I really relate to a lot of what you said too. I was a full time student working PT when I started Hetterson (back then Bekvam). After work and Sundays were the only time I could get anything done, but I really wanted to have a creative outlet, that's why I started my line in the first place. I've been sewing clothing since I was 13 or so, but omg, you should have seen my first attempts at clothes. Good grief, they were TERRIBLE (not that i didn't wear them proudly ...at the time), we all have to to start somewhere. Originally I just figured I'd sell a few one-of-a-kind pieces, but pretty soon it grew into a mini collection. I set up an etsy account, and a blog to write about my progress and that fall I launched my first baby collection. It grew from there and got out of my control pretty fast. I had to decide between quitting school or quitting work to free up more time for it. I quit school, and a few months later quit my pt job. Nobody builds a following overnight, baby steps, It's always best to start small, grow slow and keep doing what you love. Eventually people will find you that love your stuff as much as you do. One last thing, A fashion degree isn't always necessary to get into business for yourself, a lot of CC/studios offer pt fashion design courses, check out what's in your area! I'm sure you'll make the right decisions for you! Good luck :)
ReplyDelete@Ella yes, absolutely! It's just crazy over editing I worry about :)
ReplyDelete@Nicomade Thank you, I'll do my best to write more process posts. Usually what happens is I post an in progress shot (like the shoes from ages ago), then when it doesn't work out…I. never. mention. it. again. Ill try to be better about that :)
@Emily, Ruby Slipper Journeys I think you're right about a collection never 100% representing the designer. A collection is merely a representation of who that designer is at that time in their life. I definitely don't think my work will ever live up to the ideas in my head, but I definitely do my best to execute them the way I imagine :).
@Belinda ha, admin stuff is the worst, but it's gotten a lot better now that I have an accountant (a.k.a my auntie). Numbers are definitely not my thing and she freed up a lot of my time to focus on the more creative side of my biz. I am 100% satisfied with what I'm doing, there will always be times I'm totally exhausted, but the good balances out the bad. As I go along I'll only become more comfortable/confident about what I'm doing, there are always surprises that happen, good and bad, haha. The most important thing I've learned is just to roll with the punches and keep plugging along!
I'm a sticky note addict, I use them on everything :) !!!
I'm glad you're loving the sweater. It's funny but for some reason I enjoy knitting sweaters the most, the crenelle sweater is the only garment I actually enjoyed making (and wearing) enough to bring back over 3 seasons.
@Claire I agree. Risk taking is a scary, but very necessary leap, how else would we get anywhere (or anywhere new at least). That being I still think it's important leap carefully :).
And thank you, I'll try to remember that people follow my blog for a reason and I'll keep working on trusting my judgement more :)
@Ella Art classes and working for yourself (in an artistic field) are totally different. I've been through the whole art finals thing in college and I think I bombed at every final (I still got A's but I didn't think the work deserved it), by their account I was excelling but in my own mind I was failing. I kind of felt like some (not all) art classes have a one size fits all outlook for students. Art and creativity are such uniquely personal things. I think the reason I never did well in the art class setting was because of all the limits . I really do best doing my own thing. There are still limits, but I set them, not someone else and that makes all the difference. I guess what I'm trying to say is not to let the constraints of school ruin who you are and what you love to do.
ReplyDelete@Ilana Kohn All the things you mentioned are things I need to be doing, but sometimes it is hard to focus on one day at a time. Just have to stay calm and take deep breaths. I've found lists are a great way to get all the stuff out of my brain, just writing in general has really been helping me. It makes it easier to let go and focus on more important things (like sleeping).
That is so sad about your illustration career, hopefully you will find your way back to your original artsy tendencies (hint, hint- textile design!!!!!)!
@Dot Oh no, I shattered the illusion of my perfect life, dang it!
Thank you for the insight on writing poetry, I never thought about it that way! I like the flow you mention, that's what I need to find!
@Caitlin I understand the struggle, but I hope you follow your gut and design the knitting patterns you want! I'd love to see what you come up with, do you blog?
@Inge I know what you mean, trying to define yourself in a collection is near impossible, I think you can get part of you at that particular time, but not all. When to quit editing is something I need to work on too, haha. Good luck with you new line!
@sandra I think it's up to us small designers to talk about our process and the effort that goes into our work, the more we do the more people will realize :) And thank you for the kind words :)
Love everything you create.....and it is so great that you love what you do. I am my toughest critic....every once in awhile I will go ahead and put a necklace out there that I just don't love...or I just don't think is perfect....and it seems to sell first...crazy. But most of the time, those things end up being remade or scrapped. :)
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to see your new collection!
Michelle
Hey Hannah! So glad you wrote this post. I go through horrible times right before I create something I like. I find that pressure and deadlines actually help me create but I usually go through a time where I hate everything I create and have to start over (glad to hear you do this too!). I have to check my self-talk to make sure I don't get too down on myself. Jamie Oliver says he calls this "creative paranoia". Another quote that I often remind myself of during these times comes from John Mayer (hee hee!) "It's my inability to be like my heros that allows me to be myself." That one helps me a lot not to compare myself to other people and to keep focusing on what I do best. Thanks for such a great discussion!
ReplyDeleteI hear ya Missy! Go through the same process each season and feel utterly drained creatively. Starting to hate the season formatting of collections, the pressure is immense.. I think self editing is a good thing just make sure you still end up with those unique pieces that could only have come from you!
ReplyDeleteSo pleased to see some lovely new pieces from your new collection, I think you have certainly done yourself proud :)
I was also planing a scout dress but after seeing yours I think it's too cute to follow. Will have to get my order in early before they sell out ..
Our shoot is next week and like you I have resolved to stay calm and enjoy the process. After all we do what we love.
Hugs, Nadia x
Hi Hannah,
ReplyDeleteThanks for responding to my comment--I blog at www.stevenshandmade.blogspot.com. I've just been looking at the pictures of your new collection and I love everything!
Yep, totally get this. Actually it sounds like you are talking about me! I wrote a little post about it, kind of skirting around the same issue.
ReplyDeletehttp://nancybird.com/2011/09/spring-is-here-and-its-a-whole-21-degrees-this-weekend/